I usually write my blog posts during the day when I’m at work pretending to work but I’ve got home after shopping in the supermarket feeling REALLY riled about this post that’s inexplicably gone viral so it’s either blog in my free unpaid time or repeatedly stab myself in the face with one of the blunt serrated knives in the kitchen. It’s called ‘Don’t date a girl who travels‘. and it’s already spawned a whole host of identikit blogs, presumably by the same people that have pictures of flowers overlaid with an inspirational quote as their cover photo on Facebook.
The long and short of it is that the ‘Don’t’ is meant to be massively ironic because it’s basically saying that this girl is such a beautiful free spirit that of course any man is going to want to put it in her. Example: ‘Don’t date a girl who travels. She is hard to please. The usual dinner-movie date at the mall will suck the life out of her. Her soul craves for new experiences and adventures. She will be unimpressed with your new car and your expensive watch. She would rather climb a rock or jump out of an airplane than hear you brag about it.’ So you see the format, negative is secretly a positive, ISN’T IT CLEVER. But it isn’t the same as reverse psychology. She ACTUALLY doesn’t want you to date her. Why? Because you’re boring and she isn’t. You can tell because she’s got unkempt hair and awful skin and giving a shit about your appearance is SO WESTERN and not the sort of thing that worldly people care about.
Throughout, it’s trumpeting this incredibly hackneyed, rudimentary, idiotic, immature, judgemental, sanctimonious presupposition of what people who travel are like and what people who don’t travel are like. It goes on: ‘Chances are, she can’t hold a steady job. Or she’s probably daydreaming about quitting. She doesn’t want to keep working her ass off for someone else’s dream. She has her own and is working towards it. She is a freelancer. She makes money from designing, writing, photography or something that requires creativity and imagination. Don’t waste her time complaining about your boring job.’ OH FUCK OFF. JUST FUCK RIGHT OFF. I’m a creative, and it’s all I’ve ever craved to do professionally. But funnily enough, I’ve been doing the travelling thing and holding down a desk job for a year now. Career and travel are not mutually exclusive lifestyles. And anyway, people are different. It’s kind of what makes the world great. My friends who are bankers, lawyers, weird suit jobs I’ll never understand, I both love and embrace you. I’d love to make the sort of money you do, I’m just not brainy or hard-working enough to do it.
It reaches the zenith of smugness with ‘Don’t date a girl who travels. She might have wasted her college degree and switched careers entirely. She is now a dive instructor or a yoga teacher.’ HOW AMAZING AND INTERESTING OF HER TO WASTE HER RICH PARENTS’ MONEY. CONGRATULATIONS FOR CHOOSING THESE UNCLICHÉD AND ALTRUISTIC LIFE PATHS. After this it reaches an unexpected anticlimax with ‘But she has learned that the most important thing in life isn’t surfing,’ which I think is meant to be a pathetic attempt at giving the rest of it gravitas but of course it just acts as another klaxon to what a moron this chick really is.
The lack of self-awareness in the blog post would have shocked me if I hadn’t encountered some of these people in real life. Everyone knows that travellers are some of the most deluded sorts out there. When I went to Goa a couple of years ago we went up to a Banyan tree one day. As we approached there was a white girl with dreadlocks playing a whittled flute who probably went to Downe House or something and we shot her a dirty look. Anyway we sat at the tree and talked loudly about Facebook and Hollyoaks. My sister once met somebody in India who refused to tell her where he was from, only that he was from ‘the now’. Jesus. He needs to get it together, big-style.
I wonder if the ghastly, over-privileged hag responsible for this pollutant is aware that most people in the world don’t enjoy the luxury of travel because unfortunately for them, they can’t afford to. Or because of their shitty passports. The Lebanese are one example. Boys, she’s telling you not to date her, and tell you what, I would listen to her. Let’s face it, she’s selfish, she’ll max out your credit card buying flights (I actually read something in Grazia about financial emotional abuse in relationships the other day) and she’ll bore everyone to tears talking about foggy-sounding ‘global issues’, probably when she’s not telling everybody that Shantaram is the seminal book of the 20th century. She should have just written, ‘Don’t date a girl who travels because she’s an insufferable cunt who needs to sort her terrible skin out.’ Free spirits can kiss my arse.
EDIT: I’m going to stop approving comments from people who haven’t bothered to check out my ‘About Me‘ page. Gosh, you might even take a moment to ponder the title of the blog.